Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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