I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
