I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
