i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
