So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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