Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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