Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
