I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
