i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
