My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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