I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
