Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
