Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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