you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
