so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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