I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
