you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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