I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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