Already got asked if we're dating
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
