I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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