I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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