90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
