Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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