yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
