you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize