i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Randomize
