the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Randomize
