I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
