I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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