I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
