Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
