what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
