He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
