I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
