Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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