the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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