hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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