he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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