Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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