She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
