Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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