Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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