I think I died a long time ago.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize