She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
