I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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