apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize