My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
