I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
