I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
