I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
