I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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