my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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