WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
