They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You took a bar mat shot.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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