Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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