I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
