he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
