walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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