I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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