Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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