I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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