Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
