ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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