im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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